Summer 2012

So today is the first official day of summer break. I'm taking a photography class in summer school, in which I will also be offered lessons in 2D design. Which is the main reason I'll be taking it. But photography will be so much fun, I can already tell. This will involve me getting a nice digital camera. I won't be able to get anything extremely nice and professional looking, but that doesn't matter to me, I just need something that takes quality photos. And by quality, I mean better quality photos than my 3.2 Mega pixles phone camera.

I'm also getting my wisdom teeth out Wednesday morning. Which won't be as nice.

I'm really scared of being very bored and lonely this summer. I'll have summer school for a small portion, church, work, and piano lessons... but I don't have that many friends. Most are wanting to fill their summer with jobs, or other people who aren't me, or just generally hate me and won't even think of me this summer. It's just... terrifying to me. I was very alone the first summer that I lived here, but after having company, and then no longer being wanted, I feel awful.

I'll just try my best to keep busy, I guess.

Whoop!

For the past two months, I've been applying for jobs all over Ozark, and some in Nixa and Springfield. Finally, yesterday I got a call from Mexican Villa (a.k.a. El Taco) about an interview. I went in, they asked me what time I could work, and told me about the job in general. The manager told me I had to get my hepatitis A shot, then I could call in and tell them when I could start working. I'm really pumped, I got my shot today and went in to give them the form for the shot, and now I'm starting work tomoerow. It's really great, having a job and everything. I know one guy who works there, and I'm actually hoping to get to know him more so maybe we can become friends. Wish me luck!

Meeting an Old Best Friend

So, yesterday I had a substitute teacher in my geometry class. His name is Matt Carlock.

Once he had called roll, he repeated my name and asked me if I knew Butch Robison, who is my mother's ex-husband. I discovered that Matt used to be a close friend of my late brother.

I was incredibly thrilled! Toward the end of the class, I asked him to tell me some stories about my brother, because he died before I was old enough to remember him. Luckily, Matt happened to be the kind of guy who likes reminising about the time before John died, instead of being depressed at the mention of the past.

He told me about how free spirited and brave my brother was, All the crazy things they would do together. I learned that he was an avid baseball card collector, and that he stole cards at trading sessions. I learned that he and Matt would have bottle rocket wars in the summer, resulting in burns and scars. He told me so many stories, and it made my entire day. I couldn't stop smiling.

I really wish I had been around to know him, and it makes me sad that I couldn't, but I still enjoy hearing  about what a wonderful guy he was. 
So, there's an exciting event from my life.

Death

Death is a weird thing sometimes.

Friday I went to a friend of mine's birthday party. I had the chance to meet her boyfriend for the first time that day. I didn't see him for very long, but I saw how happy the two of then were together.

Today her boyfriend had a seizure and passed away.

I can't explain how weird it felt to learn this. I had only met the kid a few days ago, and now he's dead. It seemed to me what it might feel like to begin to go into shock. But I didn't know him very well, so I'm not that upset or anything. I am very upset for my friend, though, and I hope she's alright. I hope to do everything I can to help her through this.

It's just a weird feeling.

All the Good and All the Bad

+
1. I have God.
2. I have a wonderful family.
3. I have great friends.
4. I have a home.
5. I have a car.
6. I have an education.
7. I have talent.
8. I have everything I need and more.

-
1. You.
2. Him.

When the good out weighs the bad at 8 to 2, I don't understand how easily I can get upset. I need to stop letting you and Mr. Fantastic get to me so much. I'm tired of being so depressed just because of two people. You don't deserve that high of a pedestal in my life. I want to stop getting so aggravated by the little things about you that piss me off.

But for some reason it still hurts.
It still hurts to know that you don't seem to care that he treats me like I'm less than human.
I just want it to stop.
But I don't know how to ignore this.

God, help me.

In my current situation, I'm doing all that I can to win my friend back.
I've written a letter to her parents, and I plan to deliver it to them once the new year has arrived.
And, in hopes I would get helpful input, I had my english teacher and said friend read the letter.
My teacher said it sounded very honesty and like it came from my heart, which it did.
My friend said it sounded fake and hypocritical.
I'm trying to discuss this with her currently, and it doesn't seem like it's going well.

I'm so anxious about all of this. She doesn't seem like she even wants to talk to me anymore. I haven't done anything but try to keep a relationship with her.
I'm terrified right now that all my efforts have gone to waste, and I truly have lost the best friend I ever had.
I don't understand why this would happen.
God put her in my life, and she was the best thing, and how he's taking her away from me.
I made one mistake, I misread feelings, and this happens.
I don't understand at all.

I'm really interesting, I promise.

My life has been full of crap lately, and it can make me seem like another one of those girls.
But I'm going to try to limit myself on ranting when it comes to that kind of thing, and just keep to the actual interesting parts of my life.

You can follow me at your own risk.