Thursday, February 23, 2012

Meeting an Old Best Friend

So, yesterday I had a substitute teacher in my geometry class. His name is Matt Carlock.

Once he had called roll, he repeated my name and asked me if I knew Butch Robison, who is my mother's ex-husband. I discovered that Matt used to be a close friend of my late brother.

I was incredibly thrilled! Toward the end of the class, I asked him to tell me some stories about my brother, because he died before I was old enough to remember him. Luckily, Matt happened to be the kind of guy who likes reminising about the time before John died, instead of being depressed at the mention of the past.

He told me about how free spirited and brave my brother was, All the crazy things they would do together. I learned that he was an avid baseball card collector, and that he stole cards at trading sessions. I learned that he and Matt would have bottle rocket wars in the summer, resulting in burns and scars. He told me so many stories, and it made my entire day. I couldn't stop smiling.

I really wish I had been around to know him, and it makes me sad that I couldn't, but I still enjoy hearing  about what a wonderful guy he was. 
So, there's an exciting event from my life.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Death

Death is a weird thing sometimes.

Friday I went to a friend of mine's birthday party. I had the chance to meet her boyfriend for the first time that day. I didn't see him for very long, but I saw how happy the two of then were together.

Today her boyfriend had a seizure and passed away.

I can't explain how weird it felt to learn this. I had only met the kid a few days ago, and now he's dead. It seemed to me what it might feel like to begin to go into shock. But I didn't know him very well, so I'm not that upset or anything. I am very upset for my friend, though, and I hope she's alright. I hope to do everything I can to help her through this.

It's just a weird feeling.

Monday, February 13, 2012

All the Good and All the Bad

+
1. I have God.
2. I have a wonderful family.
3. I have great friends.
4. I have a home.
5. I have a car.
6. I have an education.
7. I have talent.
8. I have everything I need and more.

-
1. You.
2. Him.

When the good out weighs the bad at 8 to 2, I don't understand how easily I can get upset. I need to stop letting you and Mr. Fantastic get to me so much. I'm tired of being so depressed just because of two people. You don't deserve that high of a pedestal in my life. I want to stop getting so aggravated by the little things about you that piss me off.

But for some reason it still hurts.
It still hurts to know that you don't seem to care that he treats me like I'm less than human.
I just want it to stop.
But I don't know how to ignore this.